Feet First

Since I decided I wanted children, I desired to have a natural birth and desperately desired to have my babies at home. Being a researcher of all things health and nature, I felt it was important to bring a baby into the world in a calm, natural manner. I mean, what is more natural than giving birth? So I wanted there to be little to no medical intervention unless absolutely necessary.

When my husband and I got pregnant with our first child, we discussed the option of having a home birth. Although I really wanted to, my husband felt more comfortable if we delivered somewhere “safer” for our first since we didn’t know what to expect or what birth would be like for me. I understood where he was coming from and so we found a great compromise that met both our needs, a birth center.

My first delivery ended up being an easy, positive experience for all involved. It was a quick 4 hours from start to finish, in a bath tub with no medical interventions and no complications, not even a tear. I was elated that the experience was so good. I knew that with our second child I was good to go on a home birth and was sure that my husband would get on board as well.

So when we became pregnant with baby number 2, we went hunting for a home birth midwife and found the perfect fit for our family. Her name was Tracy Ryan with Origin Birth and we loved her! I had an easy pregnancy for the most part. I did find out that certain things are a little more challenging in pregnancy the second time around and a part of that is simply that there is also a toddler to take care of which is exhausting pregnant or not pregnant. But for the most part, my pregnancy was healthy. In fact, at 35 weeks, baby was head down and already in optimal fetal position. In my mind, I was set and ready to go for an easy birth experience. I felt confident that this delivery would be even easier than the first.

At 37 weeks and 6 days the process of birthing began. I was at home in bed at 2 am when the contractions started. I began my relaxation breathing like I had been practicing and wandered around the house, taking sips of water, having small snacks and getting mentally and emotionally prepared for what was to come. By 6 am I woke my husband, had him run a bath and get my diffuser going and candles lit to set up my ideal, tranquil birth setting. I was excited yet calm and ready. However, as labor progressed something felt…off… for lack of a better description. I felt as though my contractions weren't productive. Like the baby wasn’t moving down. I called my midwife, Tracy, to update her on what was going on. “I’m in labor, my contractions are getting close together but I am not sure if I am actually in active labor yet.” By the time she arrived my labor had slowed and I asked her if the baby was definitely head down. She assured me that when she checked the week before that she had been head down and it was unlikely that would have changed. Tracy checked me to see if she could feel the head and I was dilated to a 6 or 7 but she felt something unusual. I watched her face as she did the exam. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong and I knew it wasn’t good. Her brows furrowed as she looked at me. What she felt wasn’t a head. Nope, not a head but a foot. My heart sank. I knew what that meant. The baby was breech and I was going to have to give up my natural birth in exchange for a hospital delivery. And not just a hospital delivery but a surgery. It was a moment of sadness, fear, anxiety and disappointment. I think for some people this is a really hard thing to understand. I have heard so many say, “who cares as long as you and the baby are healthy?” Well, it’s not that simple. I had planned this moment, this way of birth for a long time. I had clear and good reason for wanting to have my baby enter the world, her life and my life in this very specific way. It was a loss. A letting go of expectation and desire that felt important to me. And yes, in the end, healthy baby, healthy me was top priority but that doesn't mean it wasn't a hard reality to face.

As calm as I could, I got up and began to gather my things to transfer to the hospital. My midwife informed me that we had one last option for a natural birth. We would still be at the hospital but there could be a small chance that the one doctor in the state that delivers breech babies vaginally might be available. So she called him and lo and behold, he was available. A leap of hope sprung in me! Ok, I can do this. I began to pray hard that this would be an actual possibility. She warned me that there were several factors that had to be aligned for him to agree to deliver naturally but if there were a chance, he would do it.

We packed up the car, drove 40 minutes to the hospital with me now in active labor, like, serious active labor. On the drive, I called my mom, hardly able to speak and sobbed into the phone letting her know what was happening. Her and my father were gripped with fear begging me to just have a C-section, there is far too much risk delivering a breech baby. They called my husband as he was trying to calmly get me to the hospital safe. Everyone was in a panic. But something came over me as we arrived. I knew I was capable of delivering this baby. My mind stilled, my breath steadied and I put on my game face. Whatever comes was meant to be, either way I am equipped for this. We arrived. The doctor took a look at an ultrasound, took a look at me and got really close to my face. He said something along the lines of “this isn't going to be easy, but it can be done as long as the baby is not in distress (which she wasn’t) and as long as you are strong and able.” He told me he wanted me to listen to my body and the baby and stay calm. My water was still intact and that was good thing. He wanted to let the sac do the work of bringing the baby down. So I tapped into my hypno-birthing mindset, came back to my breath and waited patiently for the baby to come. After a couple hours of little progress, my midwife asked me to get into a position to help the baby engage in my pelvis. They laid me on the bed with my feet hanging off, propped a pillow under my hips—sort of like bridge pose. I like to call this the torture chamber labor posture as it is SO uncomfortable! Two contractions later I had had enough. The baby wasn’t moving and I was given the ultimatum to either push even though my body had not cued that yet or start preparing for the option of surgery. So I got on the bed on all fours and pushed like there was no tomorrow. My water broke suddenly with a burst! My midwife ran and got the doctor. “Two minutes! You have two minutes to GET THIS BABY OUT!” I heard commotion behind me and lots of voices yelling PUUUSSSHH! Ok…pause scene. Imagine this for a moment, I have two minutes. TWO MINUTES to push a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. TWO MINUTES. Think on that for a moment. Roll cameras. Tracy gets really close to my ear, as I was losing my breath and losing momentum and she said this, “push like there is a truck on your child.” A new energy set in. I prayed a quick, “help me, Jesus” and pushed like there was truck on my child. It was one of the most intense and powerful moments of my life. But there she came, in almost exactly 2 minutes, feet first. I heard no cry, just voices of the doctor and nurses and Tracy. I looked back and caught my husbands face, He was the palest color of white I had ever seen and he looked stunned. I began scanning the room looking for a sign of hope. A sign that she was okay. I asked them to please put her on my chest. “Is she ok?! I yelled, Someone, is she OK?!!” Then I heard the cry. I saw nurses faces light up, smile and look relieved! She’s ok. We did it….I did it. I won’t forget the moment I met her. The moment they handed her to me. It was magical.

I know this experience, although hard and exhausting, was a blessing. Not everyone who has breech baby has this opportunity to deliver vaginally as there are not many doctors who will do it or all the factors do not line up. So truly, I was fortunate and I do not take that for granted! I got to have my natural birth after all. I even got to go home that day!

I think it is super important to know all the facts. And I am definitely prepared if this were to happen again. First, there are options. I learned a lot from the day. I discovered that I am SO strong, stronger than I knew. I realize we cannot control what is out of our control. There are situations that happen without us ever knowing the why behind it. But I believe there is purpose. Often times we just need to take the leap of faith that everything is taking place for a reason. We must let go, trust God, and move forward, feet first.